Noctem Aeternus
by Rosara
Summary: Bella experiences the METAMORPHOSIS of becoming a vampire. We were tired of waiting for Meyer to write the scene, & thought we'd save her the trouble. Joke. Disclaimer: Idea & story is not ours. All belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Please RR thanks!
1. Part I  Fragments of Fear

**Part I – Fragments of Fear **

Becoming a vampire was, of course, the gateway to being with Edward forever. And I wanted that more than anything in the world. Edward was my first choice and I was going to take that first choice with open arms. Right now.

Well, that's what I'd thought until the pain started.

Edward and I had set the "change date" for two days after our wedding. We'd already done the human/vampire sex, multiple times, which was of course, incredible, if not a little cold and stiff (no pun intended). There was nothing to do now except my transformation, my metamorphosis.

No one was holding me back now. Not my parents, not Jacob, not Edward.

Jacob. I hadn't seen him since the time we'd spoken in his bedroom when he was recuperating. I hadn't tried to visit him, and he hadn't come to the wedding. I hadn't cried for Jacob, but I still yearned for him in a way that caused my cheeks to burn in shame. I had Edward – that was surely enough for me, more than enough. But still, knowing that I'd never see Jacob as a human, as an equal again, made me feel a terrible sense of loss. The next time we meet, I'll be a vampire and he'll hate me for that, even if he still loves Bella.

Now as I lay on the bed, looking into Edwards' beautiful gold eyes, all I wanted to think about was being with him for eternity. It's more than any human has ever had. After all, humans have just a few years together, then they grow old, and they die, usually not together. I'd known for a while that I was never going to grow old. I'd never had any real plans beyond the age of 18 anyway, and that was before I even met him. So I guess it was a fine coincidence, or fate, that saw us come together. The aimless teenager with no idea what to do with her life, and the glorious immortal being who could make her just like him and love her for eternity.

It was so perfect, and that's why I never considered that I'd actually think twice of my changing into a vampire. But now I did think about what was going to happen to me, physically. My heart would stop, I'd never be warm, never be frail and vulnerable again. I'd never sleep, or eat, (well not what humans term "food" anyway). The sleep thing I knew I'd miss a lot. I'd always been lazy and I found comfort in sleep. But I found that I missed Edward even when I slept, and what could be so bad with enjoying the night as well as the day? It's not like I'd get tired… As well, the idea of having children never grabbed me much either, so at least at the moment, that wasn't a problem. The main thing was, I didn't want to grow old, I didn't want to lose Edward, and I didn't want to die. Becoming a vampire fixed everything, and now that Edward was ready to do this, it was time to change, time to leave behind the old Bella and morph into the new. And I'd be pretty Bella, not plain human Bella, who, despite Edward's assurances, never could quite grasp what he found so amazing about me.

I braced myself, looked into Edwards's god-like face, and felt assurance wash over me. I knew it was right. I nodded, but for the moment Edward was looking at me in such an intense way, I thought he'd cry. I could see the plea in his eye, the pity. This was my very last chance, his golden eyes were telling me. My very last chance to reconsider, to stay human. This was it.

Fear crawled into me then, panic choked me a little, but I managed to stay calm and keep my reason. I stared at him, into his questioning gaze, and whispered "yes" before I lost my nerve. Edward let out a long sigh – whether in relief or disappointment I couldn't tell, maybe both – and took my hand in his cold fingers.

His fingertips traced cold patterns along my palm, wrist, fingers, but I wanted Edward to hurry up now, before I got cold feet, and so I impatiently lifted my hand from his grasp and pressed it to his lips. I stared at him, hard. _Do it now_, I willed him with my eyes, and knew I must have looked like a frantic, cornered animal, pleading for the bullet to put it out of its misery. Edward understood, and then, quickly, he opened my palm up against his lips and kissed it - sharply.

At first it was just the light breaking of my skin, nothing too painful. And then I felt Edwards's body shudder as my blood – hot and wet – trickled down my wrist.

By now I was scared, oh boy I was scared. This was it, my last moments of being human, my last moments of flesh and blood and softness. For the moment I didn't feel a thing, I was more numb than anything. I saw blood and vampire venom on Edwards's lips, and that did worry me, though I tried not to show it. I didn't want to make it any harder for Edward either. I didn't _just _think of myself.

I brought a rallying smile to my stiff face and tried to sound brave. "This is it," I said with a betraying tremor in my voice, and my nerve slipped again. "Edward," I whispered huskily, my breath hitching in my throat, "Edward, I love you… I'm scared." I finished pitifully, tears burning my eyes and I realised with a jolt that soon they'd be gone forever too. Edward leaned over and kissed my forehead. His face was strained as he lifted his head. I could tell that he wasn't looking forward to the next bit.

"If I could go through this for you Bella, I would. A thousand times over, if it were necessary." Edward stroked my face with his chilly fingertips. I watched him breathe in my scent, possibly for the last time. "I love you too, gorgeous – you'll be fine, I'm right here for you."

And then I could feel it begin. It was gentle at first, a tingling sensation in my forearm. The venom felt soft and slow, not painful in the slightest. But Edward gripped my hand then, his face contorting as if he felt the venom himself, and kissed my trembling warm human mouth in a way that scared me. It seemed like it was almost a goodbye kiss.

"I'm so sorry, Bella" he whispered in a choked voice, and any optimism I had before died abruptly. I breathed in one last time.


	2. Part II  Black Sea

**Part II – Black Sea **

Black light dazzled me and it took me a moment to realise it was actually pain. Excruciating pain. I'd never been a stickler for pain in any degree, in fact I would go so far as to describe myself as a bit off a wimp. My surprised shriek echoed around the room. I vaguely felt Edward's hand clench in mine, but I couldn't see anything anymore. My arm was splitting open, tracks of fire burning mercilessly through the veins.

I tried to disengage my mind from the pain, to think of something completely different to distract me. Like Renee, or La Push, or Jacob. My thoughts tried to spiral away from the agony, and I found myself upon a sea cliff like the one in La Push that I'd cliff jumped from all that time ago. The pain was below, roaring, black and deadly as the surf that had sucked me down during my semi-suicidal phase, and wind that was whispering promises of pain pushed at my back. It was willing me to jump into the black sea below, but I resisted, pushing back against the wind and attempting to take a step away from the edge. Spray flung up into my face, and it seared my skin, but I looked away from the roiling black water and out into the horizon.

Of course it was stormy, cold, windy; only my conscience could have come up with that. Escape from the pain to a stormy cliff edge. Typical. The clouds were low and dark and heavy, and I could tell that the pain was only kept at bay by a fragile thread of my dwindling willpower. My surroundings were steadily getting darker, the wind stronger, the sea below wilder. I had to try harder if I wanted to keep the pain away, but it was just getting so hard. My limbs were heavy, dragging me toward the cliff edge, and I could barely resist.

Agony was breaking through my safe place. The churning clouds seemed to be raging at me, and when their rain fell, it stung my arms like millions of hot needles. Then it poured, heavy sheets of black pain plummeting onto me, and I whimpered. My fear of experiencing great pain was worse than the pain I actually felt, but that didn't make it any easier. I dug my toes into the ground and clenched my mind against further assaults, but it was becoming too difficult. I could feel great fists of black thorns reaching up out of the earth, clawing their way up my legs, digging into the skin and burrowing into my veins. A true sob of pain escaped me then, and the thorns kept advancing, up my body, into my body, while the wind whipped at me, leaving great wheals of red against my skin and pushing me closer to the edge. The black sea waters roared and flung themselves about, reaching out to me, beckoning me to fall into them.

And then I did. I couldn't hold on anymore, not to the edge of the cliff, not to my willpower to block out pain, and so I gave up trying and let it consume me and tear me apart like it wanted to. My agonised scream rang out as the black sea swallowed me, the thorns still ripping at my skin even beneath the dark surface.

It was about this time that I truly had cold feet. Too late I know, but to me, at that moment of unexplainable and shocking agony, I couldn't help my rage, or my horror at actually_ choosing_ this. I roared as black thorns ripped jagged holes in my chest and cursed Edward, flinging my bleeding arms about and shrieking that I'd bloody well take the werewolf over this crap any day. I screamed that there was no way that Edward was worth this and how dare he do it to me. I thought of Jacob, and I thought of what I could have had; definitely not this. What was I thinking? What the HELL was Bella thinking? I'd always been an idiot with the decisions I made. I'd just gone and made the worst one ever this time.

This was precisely how I'd imagine being torn limb from limb felt like, and I was sure I was going to die from it. Each attack seemed to get worse and worse until my mind was nothing but a blank, black sea of suffering and surrender.

My veins felt as though they'd been torn out of my arms, my legs …my nerves and my skin didn't even feel a part of me anymore, I couldn't tell what I was any more. I knew what I must look like, a twisted mass of limbs, awash and drowning in blackness. Edward would be staring at my twisted, bloodied corpse in horrified remorse by now.

Finally, the vampire venom which I was sure had all but murdered me retreated. I still couldn't see anything, but my conscious was slowly returning to me. The black waters receded and the thorns crept away from my chest, allowing me to finally take a deep breath of air. But I found myself breathing in nothing. Not a thing. My chest rose but my lungs didn't reciprocate. I didn't need them to.


	3. Part III Awakening, Deceased

**Part III – Awakening, Deceased**

The pain continued to ebb with the retreating sea of blackness and so did my warmth, or at least the illusion of warmth and I found that I was suddenly cold. No blood ran through me. I could tell that now. It was such a strange feeling … like when you step from a busy mall into a dark narrow side street with newspaper blowing in the wind, and you know that there's no one there, just silence.

I was not uncomfortably freezing though, just cool. And my chest felt fine, just strangely empty and still. It was as though I'd died and was just waiting to be taken to heaven. But this was how it was now, I was still alive but my heart would never beat again. I tried to reassure myself that I would be all right, that it was no big deal that I was now an immortal vampire with no heart. That it was just a _heart,_ for god's sake. But this thought freaked me out a little. I reached a hesitant hand towards my breast and touched the skin there. Cold, hard and silent. No movements, no flow of blood, nothing. I tapped the skin with my fingernails. Solid. I tapped the skin with a clenched fist. Solid as a rock.

I wanted to cry, but tears wouldn't come anymore. _My heart_, I nearly sobbed, ridiculously enough. But my heart was gone. It was a sad instant to realise that, and it deserved a moment of sombre silence to be remembered. It had been a good heart.

But after a few minutes of lying there mentally wallowing in my own self-pity, I realised that I'd done it. I was a vampire now; I had outlasted the agony of transformation and could never go back. The pain was still there, in the pit of my stomach; a slow, dull ache that lapped at my conscience like the tide, but it was finishing, my metamorphosis was over. I opened my eyes properly for the first time. Slowly at first, then I found that I could deal with the outside world because it was dark. Beautifully dark, gloriously dark! I looked out the window and felt a great yearning for what was beyond it. I could smell the bark on the trees, the wet, green ferns, and the moist, cool soil. It looked beautiful, all draped in silver moonlight and shrouded in secrets. Then I came back to myself; I heard a soft laugh, one that was filled with relief and amusement and love.

"When you've finished playing with your new body, you can show me what it looks like – I've been waiting for this moment for a hundred years."

I turned then, quickly. It was like a flash. My eyes swiftly adjusted, and there he was; my beautiful Edward. I tilted my head to one side, only slightly. My clarity of vision was impeccable. If he'd had any flaws to speak of, I'd have zoned in on them in an instant. I could see everything so clearly and quickly, the texture of his wavy bronze hair, the flecks of deep red in his gold eyes, the sharp lines of his perfect features. I could see faded freckles scattered beneath his alabaster skin that I'd never noticed before, and his skin glowed slightly to me now, even in the dark. I just had to drink in the sight of him. His beauty still made my heart beat faster. Well, truth be told, I don't actually know _what_ this feeling was, seeing as I no longer had possession of a beating heart, but this new sensation - a shuddering vampiric thrill in my chest - was almost as good.

I smiled at him then, my first vampire smile. And then his mouth opened slightly, his eyes widened and his body stilled. I didn't let him get out the first word before I exclaimed quickly "I'm a _vampire_, Edward! I'm one of you." And we both jumped at the sound of my voice. It had changed. It wasn't normal anymore. It was huskier, sexier, with a melodic ring that brought to mind Alice's musical tones. '_Yes_,' I smiled to myself.

"You don't smell like Bella anymore," Edward said quietly. His body had tensed and for a moment I wondered if he was afraid of me. His eyes flickered concernedly over my new body. A frown marred his features, and I knew he was battling with his own indecision – whether he actually liked me this way or not.

"I'm still her, Edward. I'm still your Bella." I reassured him, reaching out to take his hand and seeing him recoil a little. Resentment welled up inside me. He'd _made_ me like this. He'd better_ like_ me like this.

"What's wrong?" I demanded. He wouldn't look me in the eye; his gaze slid away from me guiltily. This certainly was not the reaction I'd anticipated from my eternal husband.

"Maybe you'd better take a look at yourself, Bella." Edward murmured uncomfortably, and quickly passed me a hand mirror.

I ignored the mirror. "Where is everyone?" I asked angrily, more than a little upset by my one-person reception into the vampire kingdom. I felt my body tighten and coil with tension, and wondered dimly if that was a new kind of vampire emotion. "Aren't they excited about the fact that I'm a _vampire_ now? It's not as though it happens every day." I winced, before adding in concession, "well, not for _me_, anyway."

"Of course they're all excited, Bella. But I asked them to give us some time alone when you first woke up."

I relented somewhat, and my body uncoiled a little.

Edward noticed and tilted his head to one side. Sympathetically. He held out the mirror to me again. "Bella, don't worry about them for now, just _look _at yourself."

With a sigh, I grabbed the mirror from him but stopped for a second to marvel at the speed in which I'd done it. I'd never done anything that fast before, and I'd grabbed the mirror from him so easily, like it weighed nothing at all. I looked at my hands then. They were paler than before, considerably so. I never thought that it would be possible for me to get any whiter. My hands were almost bluish; I spread one out like a pale spider in front of me in the gloom, and it nearly glowed.

But the greater shock was the reflection that stared back at me when I finally held the mirror up to my face. It was me, but it was not me. If I had a heart, it would have stopped then, anyway. From sheer shock.


	4. Part IV Posthumous

**Part IV - Posthumous**

I was beautiful. As I'd hoped I would be.

My hair was long and glossier than I thought possible, and perhaps a richer, darker brown. And so much silkier than any mortal's. My lips were full, tempting, and richly red. My skin was flat and chalk-white but now completely blemish free; any acne troubles I ever had were totally forgotten. I also had the most beautifully defined cheekbones – sharp, elegant – and my nose was arrow-straight. My jaw and chin were strong and distinct and tilted at a proud angle that seemed intrinsic with being a vampire. I even had a cute beauty spot on my left cheekbone that I was sure hadn't been there before. Becoming a vampire was _the_ best beautifier in the world.

But my beauty also disturbed me in a strange way that I'd never dreamed possible. I've always been a hypocrite, and obviously becoming a vampire wasn't going to change that. My features were stunning, defined, graceful - and it was exactly _this_ that disturbed me. My new features were now beautiful and flawless and perfect, but part of Bella _had been_ the softness, the imperfections, the flaws. I felt as if I was looking at my beautiful twin; a twin who looked like me, but still _wasn't _me. I now understood where Edward's trepidation had come from when he'd looked at me before, because I now felt it too. Those imperfections that had come together to make me _Bella_ had disappeared like the wind, and I felt lost in my new loveliness; I had become a beautiful, cold stranger, with a haughty set to her chin and a look of death in her red eyes.

Oh yes, my eyes. They were no longer the warm brown they had been. They were wide, slanting cherry red, glittering in the dark and far too near the colour of blood for my liking. A lancing fear shot through me and with that, a sudden aching hunger. I would need to go hunting soon. And what would I be able to limit myself to _then_? Chipmunks, cave bears, or humans? Come to think of it, I didn't really like the idea of killing innocent squirrels for my bloodlust, either.

Edward's hand pulled the mirror down and his face was solemn. "Would you rather Jacob?" He asked softly. Sadly.

It took me a moment to catch up. _What was he talking about?_ And then I remembered, during the transformation, my vocal threats about taking the werewolf over Edward any day. I blushed as much as a vampire could, and offered a lop-sided, pitiful shrug by way of apologising. "I was in pain, Edward, lots of it … anyway, I wasn't serious." I looked away. "Well, not _anymore_."

My thoughts strayed back to my new look, and I pulled the mirror out of Edward's restraining hand to look at myself again. I winced at the image that met my eyes. My red eyes. I just looked so foreign, so beautiful and cold. It worried me. I wasn't even sure I was me anymore, I felt so empty and different. For the second time I wanted to cry, but my vampire body still wouldn't let me.

Edward was gazing at me with pity and remorse in his eyes. And something else, although I couldn't quite decipher it. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, I'm sorry _I_ put you through it. I can see you regret it now, Bella…" His eyes were great golden pools of regret, and then he looked down and hid them from me under his long lashes.

To be honest, I couldn't quite alleviate his fears. I sighed, still churning with confusion at this regret I had at becoming a vampire. It was so contradictory of me. I'd said for years "make me a vampire, NOW, Edward!" and he'd always replied, "no, Bella, give it some thought, not yet, wait a while longer, _think_…" I'd never really considered that I'd actually _regret_ this decision. Then I realised what had happened. This was the Vampire Bella, _She_ was the one who reigned now. Human Bella's days were over and she was dead. I wasn't Human Bella anymore, and I'd just have to get used to it, and adjust to the beautiful outsider in the mirror. I felt a strange homesickness for humanity, a feeling not unlike school, when you find yourself out of favour with your group of friends and they kick you out. You try to pretend you don't care, but really you're longing for them to take you back. That's how I felt with humanity right now. Only I knew I could never be accepted by them again. I was a vampire now.

I supposed it was something like Buyer's Remorse. Just the early stages of teething problems, then I'd be fine. And besides, it wasn't like every buyer resold their house after their initial remorse. Most got used to it and came to like it, in the end.

Edward was watching me, waiting for a reply. "Oh, Edward. I asked for it, remember. I begged, for months, years. I'm just taking a moment to get used to it. It's so strange..." I looked away, not able to look him in the eye while I voiced my worst fear, "I just don't really feel like _Bella_ anymore."

"I'll still let you go, you know, if you are unhappy." Edward said earnestly, his face tight with barely suppressed emotion. "It would kill me, now that you're a vampire too, but even so… I can see you're not happy. I blame myself. If you want … _Jacob_ after all, I'll let you go."

There was no going back for me anymore. Edward surely knew that by now. I was a vampire, I'd just expended my last option. No more choices lay open for me. Besides, Jacob wouldn't want me back even if I wanted him, which I didn't.

"I'll get used to it," I said softly, reassuringly. I took his hand in mine and was surprised to feel my own strength rather than his usually iron grip. "I just feel different. Don't worry," I said wryly, reaching over to ruffle his hair, "I still want you, Edward. Though I don't really have a choice anymore – I'm stuck with you!" I winked at him, and, though hesitantly, he grinned back.

"And you're _sure_?" he asked softly.

I chose to brush off Edward's words with a complimentary roll of my eyes (that felt more like me) and asked him a question that had been gnawing at me for the last few minutes. "Do you find me incredibility beautiful, or frightening, Edward?"

His lip quirked. "Both," he breathed.

I frowned. "You're scared of me? _Scared_? Edward, I'm like the least scary vampire in the history of the world." I even laughed at myself, a sweet, melodic laugh that charmed us both.

"Not quite," he said softy, his eyes dancing now, and I could tell that he was getting used to Vampire Bella, and liking her, what's more. I was getting there myself. "But you're only a little scary because you look different, smell different, even act different. I can't call you clumsy Bella anymore. You're faster than _me_."

I smiled. I liked that.

"_And_," Edward continued, "you're just so beautiful. Bella, you're almost _too_ beautiful. I can hardly look at you. I've just… I've never seen…"

I couldn't believe it. Edward was struggling for words. He was_struggling_, and I'd brought it on. My _beauty _had brought it on! What a laugh! Maybe I'd get used to this vampire business quicker than I'd thought.

"You're incredible, Bella. Just so beautiful," Edward finally got out, his face almost blank with his own amazement. I was sure mine looked pretty similar. "You _are_ still Bella. Just… possibly even more incredible."

I smiled, drew him closer. "I think we'll get used to this vampire thing after all, Edward." I moved my hands up to curl them in his hair and pulled him close to kiss his lips. It was a strange kiss; rigid and cold and totally devoid of that delicious clash of hardness and softness I used to love so much when I was human. I wasn't sure that I liked this new kissing as much as the old. But my body was still aching, I wasn't fully recovered, and when I pulled away, Edward was panting. _Panting_. His eyes were half closed and his lips still parted. He made a strangled moan as I moved away, and I couldn't quite manage to stifle a giggle of delight and shock.

This was new. I had a power over Edward! For once it wasn't _me_ moaning and pleading for more and not being able to do a thing about it. Maybe I could turn the tables and have Edward feel the way I'd always felt when he kissed me, back when I was human. As I watched him attempt to recover, his tongue practically hanging out, I knew it was true. We were equal now, and suddenly my glee was limitless.

Edward saw my reaction, and with a resentful narrowing of his eyes said, "Yes, that's… _really_ something to… celebrate, Bella." But his words had no impact since his face was tense with embarrassment and he was completely breathless. He was irritated, mainly with himself, but there were also traces of a smirk on his lips, and on mine too, and we both knew what fun we'd later have with this new talent of mine.

"Did I mention I'm also stronger, Edward?" I asked him sweetly, reaching out to drag his broad shoulders closer with my iron strength, but he pulled himself away from me before I could further assault his virtue.

"Come on Bella, let's go see the others before… well, let's show them the new, improved Bella Swan."

I glared at him, and he hastily checked himself, stuttering slightly under my accusing look. I bit my lip in delight. "_Cullen_, sorry," Edward corrected, and then his eyes lifted to mine and they were suddenly full of _that_ love, the beautiful Edward-and-Bella love, that I hadn't seen since I woke up. I felt my new vampire body shudder in response. Edward's lip quirked again and he said softly, "Bella Cullen, I meant."

_A/N: Okay everyone, this is technically the end of Noctem Aeternus: A Twilight Fanfiction. It was only ever going to be a short piece on Bella's transformation, and subsequent waking up / getting used to her new self. If you want, we'll think about writing more ;). But more importantly, thanks are due to everyone who has read and reviewed our work! It means a lot to get feedback, so thank you to everyone! Rosara_


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